So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
