Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
