youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize