apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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