I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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