4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
