I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
