got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize