Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize