i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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