Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
