so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize