She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
