Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
