it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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