sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
