Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
