Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
