Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
