this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize