He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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