Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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