you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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