Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
