I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
