this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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