a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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