he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
