I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
