marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
