No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize