peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
