phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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