i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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