At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
