She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
