I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
