i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
