so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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