She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She bit a glass in half.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
