I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
