Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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