Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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