some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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