Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
