And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
