I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
