i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
