i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
