I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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