I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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