I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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