But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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