I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize