Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
