Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
