First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
