You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
