i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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