she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
