So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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