turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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