Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
