i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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