well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
