New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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