Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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