____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
