just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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