Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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